STOP ALL WHITE MALES FROM VOTING!

 When I first began practicing law, I was sitting in a courtroom talking to a semi-retired lawyer about the recent record spike in violent crimes.  He looked at me and said,

            “ I could cure 90% of crime in one day.”

             Naturally curious, I asked the obvious question for which I was being set up -how?

             “Simple,” he said, “I would lock up every male between the age of 18 and 40.  Voila! No more crime.”

            Although he was joking - at least I think he was joking - it did get right to the heart of the matter and it got me to thinking about a similar proposal to solve this country’s problems.  What single group is most responsible for electing George W. Bush, Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham and, of course, Donald Trump.  If you answered white males, then you are correct.  Ergo the solution is a simple one – bar white males from voting.  

             Think for just a minute about a country where white males have been banned from voting for the last 50 years.  No Reagan, no Bush, no Trump.  A Supreme Court with no Clarence Thomas, no Samuel Alito and no Anton Scalia. No Iraq war.  A government focused on climate change, equal pay and universal healthcare.  

              It actually makes a lot of sense.  Both Democrats and Republicans are constantly complaining about the country and wanting to take us a back to a better time.  Well during the disastrous last 50 years who has been the majority voting bloc – white males.  Seems pretty easy to fix- cut off the problem at its head.

              As a white male myself who has voted in virtually every election, I would gladly forfeit my right to vote if it means that the knuckledraggers who think climate change is a hoax are not able to vote.   Imagine a country where only black and Latino and Asian men combined with women were able to vote.  Would we even have to be a discussion about free day care and pre-school education not to mention Medicare for All?

                 But the more I thought about it the more I realized I was not being fair to my white male brethren.  Yes, it is true we have screwed it up, but does it warrant a drastic measure such as taking our vote away.  Shouldn’t there be something less punitive?

                  That’s when it hit me.   As a student in my Constitutional Law class, I remembered that the Constitution allowed that blacks would be granted 3/5 citizenship which was pretty much the law of the land until the Civil War and beyond.  Blacks were given 3/5 citizenship even though they had not even messed anything up.

                  Therefore, after electing Donald Trump, it now makes sense that white males should be considered 3/5 citizens.  Our votes should only count as 3/5 of a vote as to a regular voter.  It seems only fair, at least until white males quit displaying appalling levels of ignorance.  

            There should of course be exceptions.  Anyone posting a picture of themselves having killed an elephant or lion or other endangered animal should not only not be allowed to vote again but should be put down.  

               So how do we get white males to agree that their votes will count as only 3/5 of a regular vote.  That’s the easy part.  You explain to them that 3/5 is greater than 1 and that while they are getting 3/5 of a vote, those freeloading minorities are only getting 1 vote.  Put to them that way, they will jump on board immediately.  

              This only has to be for a short time.  Within a hundred years or so, white men will evolve and we can force them to take a literacy test in order to get a full vote.  But even then we should limit the number of polling places in predominately white male neighborhoods just to be sure.  

              As you can probably tell, this blog post is tongue-in-cheek.   After all, what civilized country would try and make voting harder for a racial group?